Shit Startup Founders Don’t Talk About: How Do We Pay Ourselves?
I still remember where I was the first time I ran payroll and I was included in that cycle. Payroll is run every other week for our growing team. Early on, this was the day I grew to dread. I lost count of the number of payroll cycles I wasn’t included in. It’s exciting that we even have a payroll company, but brutal because month after month I didn’t run payroll for myself because I sacrificed my pay to invest in growing the business. The fact I didn’t pay myself was embarrassing to talk about with other business friends and something you’d never want to post on Facebook. This was the shit startup founders never talked about. The shit that if you told your friends, they’d look you straight in the eyes and ask, “So, how in the heck have you been living these past few months?”
My co-founder walked over to my desk that day, lightly whispered into my ear and reminded me I was also included in last week's payroll. I shrugged my shoulders, and thought to myself, really? Why had I not paused to celebrate this milestone? I just paid myself the most I’d seen in 2 years. Oh heck yeah, break out the champagne. Wait, why was nobody spraying champagne all over like they do MLB locker room style? I continued my workday as usual, running from meeting to meeting and updating investor presentations.
After another 15-hour day, I was starving for dinner and I opted for Neighborhood Bar, my favorite local restaurant 5 blocks from my condo. The place that in a previous life I visited 2-3 times per week, the place I met friends for a beer, the place I celebrated birthdays, anniversaries and more. This is the place that is between my office and home, the place I purposefully didn’t walk by for over a year. Why? Because I’d be tempted to walk in and buy a beer I didn’t have money for or run into someone I knew and feel obligated to spend money I didn’t have. I was terrified of having my debit card declined in front of friends or overdrawing my personal checking account.
On this particular night as I walked down G Street, getting closer and closer to my favorite watering hole, a tear snuck out, and then another tear rolled down my cheek. I stopped before the door, took a deep breath, smiled, and in my mind, gave myself the biggest high five. I bought my favorite $9 goblet of beer. I bought my favorite $15 burger.
Getting a company off the ground is a rollercoaster and I’ve never met an entrepreneur that didn’t make extreme income sacrifices. I grew more curious as to how others were making all of this work financially. I mustered up the courage to ask and quickly learned some founders were living off old college loans, credit cards, some mortgaged their homes and some literally would dodge the question. One thing was for sure, we were all sacrificing a lot. I wasn’t alone. I realized that if I didn’t slow down and celebrate these milestones, I would miss this long winding journey. Today I aim to never miss an opportunity to celebrate the wins. I continue to embrace the struggles, remind myself I’m not alone and that these chapters will only continue to make me stronger.
What are some of your recent milestones that we can raise a glass to?